Return of the Retarded Final Fantasy Characters!
by ElectricIceBlade
Summary: My sequel to the first! More characters to kill off and have fun with! More Guys dukin' it out for stuff! Please R&R!
1. Tea time with the Cid's!

Retarded Final Fantasy Characters Numero Dos!!!!  
  
Second attempt on another killing spree. I haven't written in a month. Or two. This one will have Kingdom Hearts, FFX, and some of the dudes who magically got revived from the funky place...(My pick!) Anyways, here I go! ~*~ Sora and his crew are flying in their custom made, pimped out Gummi ship with Riku and Kairi.  
  
Sora: Look it's a portal! I bet it leads to new worlds!  
  
Donald: I bet it doesn't...  
  
Goofy: Look Kairi! It's Squa...I mean Leon's gummi ship!  
  
Sora: Let's follow them!  
  
Riku: Let's shoot them! YES! DESTRUCTION!!!!!! ~*~ In "Leon's" gummi ship.  
  
Leon: Oh no!!! We've been hit!! By Sora!!! Quick, into that portal! ~*~ The FFX crew's ship.  
  
Tidus: I wanna go to the outer space place!!  
  
Yuna: No Tidus, we have to go fight Sin!  
  
Tidus: But if we go to outer space, we can escape all that!  
  
Yuna: True...But let's save mankind!  
  
Kimari: Screw mankind. Me go pilot ship.  
  
Rikku: Oh boy! Man beast pilots! Hurray!!!  
  
Brother: Oh no! I'm being attacked! By a man beast! I hate my name!  
  
Auron + Lulu: I bet we'll crash.  
  
Wakka: Outer space here we come!  
  
Cid 10: Shut up wiggidy weiner. ~*~ Near the outskirts of Taco Bell...  
  
Cid 7: No more tacos for me...bad gas. Hey look at the teleport pad!  
  
The pad has Squall, Amarant, Cloud, and Aeris on top of it.  
  
Aeris: Hey Cid! You killed me! But that's okay because I can summon phoenix before I die! There's some more people at the funky place you know! Come with us and we'll show you!  
  
They all go back to the funky place. ~*~  
  
At the funky place. (Somehow, all the other Cids were there too)  
  
Rikku: HI!!! My name is Rikku! How do you do!?!?  
  
Aeris(FF7): FINE!!! My name's Aeris!  
  
Riku: My name's Riku too...  
  
Rikku: We must be twins!!  
  
Aeris #1 from FF7 walks over to Aeris #2 from Kingdom Hearts (now known as KH, for the sake of writing cramps).  
  
Aeris #1: You look like me!!!  
  
Aeris #2: Yeah! But I have more polygons than you do!  
  
Aeris #1: Yeah...my boobs are pointy...I suck.  
  
Aeris #2: YOU DO SUCK!!!!  
  
Aeris #2 takes her staff and whacks Aeris #1 with it. Then Aeris #1 stabs Aeris #2 with her pointy boobs.  
  
Aeris: Agh!! I'm bleedy-ing! Damn you bad graphic people!!!! (Dies) ~*~  
  
All the Cids meet with each other and start to have a tea party.  
  
Cid 8: I love tea parties! They're so enjoyable!  
  
Cid 9: Me too! It's very manly.  
  
Cid 10: I wanna drive my ship to tea party town!  
  
Cid 7: ...No wonder why I'm the only playable Cid character....And, this tea sucks!  
  
Cid KH: Yeah! I sell Gummi blocks!  
  
All the Cids besides Cid 7 and Cid KH stand up immediately and all glare at them.  
  
Cid 8: This tea is marvelous! What are you talking about!?!  
  
Cid 10: Your banned from the Cid, Cid, Cid, Cid, and Cid club!  
  
Cid 9: Go have a coffee party with your boyfriend!  
  
Cid's eye twitches...and he whistles to his Highwind and the Highwind shoots loads of bombs and such until their tea party all goes to hell!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And the Cids die too as a bonus!  
  
Cid KH: Nice one! Here have a gummi block!  
  
Cid 7: Eats it and soon chokes on it. Cid KH pounds his back and the gummi goes flying out and destroys "Leon's" gummi ship.  
  
Cid 7: I thought you said it was gummy?  
  
Cid KH: It's called a gummi block, you put them together to make a pimped out gummi ship!  
  
Cid 7: My ship could kick your ship's ass anyday!  
  
Cid KH: Wanna go!?!  
  
Cid 7: Yeah!!1  
  
Cid KH grabs his cactuar Gummi ship and fires needles at the other Cid. Cid 7 pulls up the Highwind and mutilates Cid KH. And he got caught on fire...and stuff. And he died, like the rest of the Cid idiots.  
  
Kairi: I'm Scared!!!!  
  
Kimari: Kimari no like scared human people. Me go kill!  
  
Kimari picks up a Grenade and hurls it at Kairi. Then Kairi blew up to pieces and Sora and Riku teamed up and killed Kimari. (I hated Kimari in FFX, lol) ~*~  
  
Anyways, It's really late and I think my dad's up so I'll be goin' to bed now! So...be sure to review cause reviewing is fun! And if you haven't checked out my first one, check it now! and leave more reviews for that one! So have fun! I'll write tomorrow night, so expect another update soon! 


	2. Clone's are coming!

And another short chapter! I'm good at those! Anyways...Here comes another chapta... DISCLAIMER: Sorry I forgot it last time. I don't Own The Final Fantasy characters or Kingdom Hearts and I don't own Homestar Runner or Taco Bell or that one gal who wrote that Mac and cheese story...  
  
~*~  
  
Leon and Squall walk up to each other.  
  
Leon: Hey. You look like me, but you have short hair and bad graphics.  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Leon: Don't 'whatever' me mister! (Sounding like Richard Simmons, lol)  
  
Leon pulls out his glowing Lionheart and attacks Squall who bocked it with Brother.  
  
Brother: OWowowowoowow! My head is severed! (Dies)  
  
Leon: Now look what you've done! Rikku is mad!  
  
Rikku comes over and steals everything Squall has. And she uses Godhand to slice him up into coctail weiners and feeds them to Leon who happens to be a Cannibal.  
  
Leon: MMmmm scrumptous!  
  
~*~  
  
Riku and Sora are crying over the loss of Kairi.  
  
Sora: I loved her!  
  
Riku: I loved her more!  
  
Sora: Nuh uh!  
  
Riku: Uh huh!  
  
Sora: You wanna make something of it?  
  
Riku: Yeah!  
  
Sora uses Ragnarok on Riku, but Riku takes out his twin Oblivions and summons heartless after heartless and soon kills Sora!!! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!  
  
Donald: Sora's dead Goofy...  
  
Goofy: *cries*  
  
Riku: His heart was too weak! Now I will eat you duckling!!  
  
Riku throws one of his oblivions at Donny and puts him over a camp fire.  
  
Riku: Doesn't that look good Goofers?  
  
Goofy: ... ~*~  
  
Ansem transformed into his final boss like state (you know that boat thingy! lol) and was terrorizing everyone!  
  
Ansem: Feel the wrath of my boat! Ansem's Ark!  
  
Ansem launched a blast of crap into Wakka's face and he died.  
  
Lulu: Poor Wakka. First Chapu(sp?) now Wakka. My life sucks.  
  
Lulu takes out her Onion Knight and the Knight blasted a stinky onion fart into Ansem's face. Fortunately, it stunned Ansem. Riku went over to Ansem and sliced open Ansem's boat.  
  
Riku: Hey! this is made of paper mache! Wow, poser bad guy!  
  
Lulu casted Firaga on Ansem and his boat burned to a fine crisp. Riku went into a fury and destroyed Ansem.  
  
Riku: YOU BASTARD! YOU CONTROLLED ME AND NOW I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND! DIE SOME MORE!!!  
  
Riku destroyed Ansem some more. ~*~  
  
Leon walked up to Aeris 7 and asked her about Cloud.  
  
Aeris 7: Tifa got to him first and I ended up dying.  
  
Leon: ...What?!?!?  
  
Aeris 7: Why'd you grow your hair long Squall?  
  
Leon: I told you to call me Leon!  
  
Aeris 7: HUH?  
  
Leon: And when did you ever have pointy boobs?  
  
Aeris: Grrr...  
  
Leon: Okay, I'm out!  
  
Leon runs away from a crazy Aeris.  
  
~*~  
  
Cloud KH and Cloud 7 walk up to each other and talk to each other.  
  
Cloud 7: I eat asbestos! (lol, I forgot who said that but still, that's freakin' funny as hell! So if you're reading this whoever you are, thank you so much, that made my day a lot better, lololol)  
  
Cloud KH: You're graphics suck...  
  
Rikku: Enough about sucky graphics! We all know that the PS1 games had bad graphics!!!  
  
Cloud KH: Errr...yeah.  
  
Cloud 7: Hmm...Let's go skid doodle in that holy guacamole with the ant eaters and watch the oopers do bloopers!  
  
Cloud KH: That's got to be THE dumbest thing I've ever heard!!!!  
  
Cloud 7: I've got a lot more where that came from too! OOHH!! I got it! This one's great!  
  
Cloud KH: Please don't. You're making me stupid-dider by the second.  
  
Cloud 7: This one time in Cid's Highwind, I lit the skankeroo on fire and then it came crashing down on top of Yuffie and then I had to go to the Buffalo world with the chocobo's and elephantes and I did a bloober to the max and it did a flip and Mookied all over the place!  
  
Cloud KH Lept in the air and came crashing down on the other Cloud's head and killed him so no one would ever have to listen to his rantings ever again! MWAHAHAHA!  
  
Aeris 7 walks over to Cloud and Looks at him.  
  
Aeris 7: you need to eat more smarties Cloud! (Lol, a joke from homestarrunner.com)  
  
Cloud KH: Huh? Oh well, I still love you even if you're on drugs!  
  
Aeris 7: I thought you loved Tifa?  
  
Cloud KH: Who?  
  
Aeris: Hurray! You've forgotten about her!  
  
Cloud KH: Okay...  
  
Aeris 7 hugs Cloud KH, but unfortunately stabs him in his chest with her pointy boobs.  
  
Cloud KH: Urgh...  
  
Aeris 7: Sorry...  
  
Cloud KH: I'm a bad ass! I can't die! summons Phoenix as he dies. Hurray!  
  
Aeris 7: How come you couldn't do that when I died?  
  
Cloud KH: *Is confused* Huh?  
  
Aeris 7: Never Mind...  
  
~*~  
  
Tidus is flirting with Yuns some more while Lulu and Auron are playing with Lulu's dolls.  
  
Lulu: My Onion Knight will kill your Puny Moogle!!!  
  
Auron: No! Because I've equipped him with my my Masamune!  
  
The moogle slices the Onion Knight in half and Lulu cries.  
  
Lulu: No fair, cheater! You will be punished!  
  
She casts Firaga, Thundaga, Blizaga at the same time and almost killed Auron. Auron leaps into the air and eats some garlic. Then he breathed all over lulu and threw a garlic grenade at her. (She IS a vampire you know!) (Lulu dies)  
  
Auron: Take that!  
  
Auron uses a Hi-potion on himself and kills himself cause he's a zombie.  
  
Yuna casts Revive and kills him even more.  
  
Tidus: Darn...he was my guardian!  
  
Yuna: that's okay. You still have me!  
  
Just then a Flying Grunty came out of nowhere and gobbled up Yuna!  
  
Tidus: I'm all alone...  
  
Rikku: You still have me!  
  
Riku: I thought we were together?!?!  
  
TIdus: Didn't you know? She's a prosti--  
  
Rikku leaps up and slashes tidus across his face and then she brutally murders him with a big boulder that dropped down and squashed him.  
  
Rikku: Now...where were we? ~*~  
  
Just then Goofy, Amarant, and Sephiroth KH were having a meaningful conversation.  
  
Amarant: No one ever understands me.  
  
Sephiroth KH: I share your pain, man.  
  
Goofy: Sora's dead...  
  
Amarant: I hate kids.  
  
Sephiroth KH: Yeah...  
  
Goofy: Sora's dead! *Bawls*  
  
Sephiroth KH: Shut up!  
  
Amarant: ...  
  
Goofy: ...I'll use my shield to kill you!  
  
Sephiroth KH: OH YEAH!?!?!?  
  
Goofy: Yeppers.  
  
Sephiroth picks up his Masamune and strikes Goofy's shield. Goofy deflects the blow and throws his shield like a boomerang and cuts Sephy's head off.  
  
Amarant: Woah...I'm outta here... ~*~  
  
Leon and Yuffie KH are sitting on a cliff watching the sunset.  
  
Yuffie KH: Isn't it great?  
  
Leon: All these bright colors are hurting my eyes...  
  
Yuffie: It'll be okay squa...er Leon.  
  
Leon:...  
  
Just then, a moomba pushed Yuffie KH off the cliff and she fell to her death.  
  
Leon: ...(Is asleep)  
  
Moomba: Meow! ~*~ Riku and Rikku are playing Connect Four. Riku puts a red checker to form a diagnol four.  
  
Rikku: You shanked my Jenga Ship!  
  
Riku: I shanked your Jenga Ship? We're playing Connect Four!  
  
Then Cid 7 came in and asked where Aeris 7 was.  
  
Rikku: Hey Cid! He shanked my Jenga Jam!  
  
Cid 7: Don't you talk to me!  
  
Cid 7 leaves.  
  
Riku: You're so stupid I have to kill you!  
  
Riku takes out Sora's Ultima Weapon that he stole from him and kills Rikku and feels sorry for himself afterwards...  
  
~*~  
  
More of this in another chapter with the Depressed Club and the Farm Animals! Lot's of disclaimers! lol.... Be sure to review! 


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